self-worth

Self –Worth from External Sources

In my previous post I talked about the wonderful emotional tool of boundaries and presented my favorite tool of pretending to be in a jar. In this post I would like to talk about one of the reasons it was so hard for me to exercise boundaries: lack of self-worth. Many of us are raised and or exposed to people who do not have healthy self-worth. Worse, since the media is usually going after the Read more…

Boundaries

Self-Protection from the Emotions of Others

In last week’s post, Don’t Take Anything Personally  I talked about not taking others words and actions personally. Like many helpful concepts, it is easier said than done, especially if someone is yelling at you. During therapy in my forties I learned about an incredible tool called “boundaries” that made this so much easier. Boundaries are an aspect of emotional intelligence, something I was totally clueless about most of my life. I was able to Read more…

By Mark Elliott Rogers, ago
Forgiveness

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Working through a 12-step recovery program gave me the opportunity for some incredible insights about my motivations, which was both good and bad. The bad, was waking up to my own harmful behavior. The good, was learning about the present circumstances and family of origin issues that were leading to that behavior. Even better was intimately learning about other people and what was leading them to their harmful behavior. The common theme I was able Read more…

By Mark Elliott Rogers, ago
Forgiveness

Forgiveness is Not About the Abuser

Forgiveness was a critical tool during my recovery and growth. Years later, it is obvious to me it was a tool for my healing, not something for those who had wronged me. I was also surprised to learn that not only is it primarily for the victim, but it can be done completely alone. Hearing it is not about the abuser might be a difficult pill to swallow, but at the end I will share Read more…

By Mark Elliott Rogers, ago
Hope

Perhaps Hope is What Saved Me

Sometimes it is hard for me to comprehend how much my perspective has changed since I left high school. Today I have plenty of money, a wonderful wife and family, and I feel like I have infinite resources to help me do and be whatever I want. However, there was a time in my life when I had little to lose except my own life. Worse, probably much worse, I had very little to look forward to. I had gone from being kicked out of the Navy to living in a storage unit, to couch surfing with no money, no job, no car, and no real friends. Life wasn’t working out for me. In fact, not too long ago my own father confessed to me he did not think I would survive this period of my life. (more…)

By Mark Elliott Rogers, ago